To My Sons,
Lately, I am struggling. For some reason, each time I have a tender moment with one of you, I can’t help but start thinking about when you were smaller, younger. Carrying you to bed...how much longer can I do this? What will bedtime be like when I can’t?...Talking by the fire while you curl under my arm...until when will you enjoy this and not be too cool for your Dad?...Watching you build a true snow fort, resembling an igloo, and your ability to actually fit inside...how much longer will you actually want to simply play, without a care in the world?...Dropping you off at school, with fist-bumps and I Love You’s...soon, you will want to take the bus, ride with your friends, or, oh my goodness-drive yourselves!...
These are just a smattering of interactions with you guys-don’t even get me started on the amazing, heart wrenching electronic magic that is Facebook Memories.
You see? It’s a struggle.
These reminders of tenderness beget reflection, memory and pure love, to be sure. And, just as I am wrestling with these seemingly fleeting moments of beauty, I am surrounded by all-new realizations of beauty all the time. I am seeing dedication and focus in martial arts katas; I am seeing critical thinking about current events; I am seeing growth in social interactions; I am seeing confidence evolve on the slopes of mountains; believe it or not, I am actually seeing improved self-care and hygeine!
Serendipitously, a song came on my car stereo last night that put all of this in perspective for me: From Golden Stars Come Silver Dew - by Lalah Hathaway/Mr. Jukes. For me and my reflections of the past week, the title couldn’t be more true. The little boys that I have always been so in love with; and, their perfect memories, are truly like the stars in the night sky. They are shining bright, fueling us with strength, love and hope. Like the aforementioned memories, they are fleeting, yes; but, they also give way to a new day. Each new day brings tender beauty, opportunity, a fresh chance for growth-just like the morning dew.
So, you see? It’s a beautiful struggle. I’m just thankful to be part of it with you.